Changing Location

Due to creative differences, I'm switching from kaitlinschulz.blogspot.com to www.kaitlinschulz.wordpress.com. Click and find yourself looking at an updated version of everything I hope to accomplish through this blog and say SAYONARA to the wood panel and off-white-pinkish background.

Two Pillars

Life is spontaneous and plans change. It’s something I’ve learned to embrace and not running short on any time soon. I grew up making plans and dreaming up ideas. I have a long list of careers that I’ve wanted to do; doctor, artist, art curator, drama teacher, marine biologist, French teacher, social worker, writer, missionary, florist, psychologist, counselor, street evangelist (those who know me can start laughing at that one),  youth worker…  the list continues and includes countries. However, ideas change and even now it takes getting used to the quickness that it does in YWAM and the different routes that seem to sprout in unlikely places.

I attended the ‘Western Europe DTS Staff and Leaders Gathering’ at a nearby YWAM base for a week. It’s designed for networking, being refreshed and seeking the Lord for the schools with bases from around Europe. For me, it meant a week to make a decision. 

An opportunity arose to staff the coming January school under the leadership of one of my mentors. An opportunity to continue being discipled by people who know me well while continuing to grow in my discipleship of others in an intentional way. Saying yes would mean saying later to the Biblical Core Course (BCC) that I was wanting to do in Switzerland and saying no to Christmas at home and more time with my family. Praying about it and desiring a clear cut answer, I was quite frustrated by the answer:

‘Both are good. There isn`t a right or wrong choice’. 

The idea that this might eventually be simply a decision for me to make instead of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer from God freaked me out. What if I chose the wrong one (despite feeling there wasn’t one)?

The first day of the gathering, we talked about faith. What is God speaking already that goes past us into the unknown? (There seems to be a theme this past year where I am continually confronted by the topic of faith and trusting without understanding). As the speaker led us into a time of declarations and standing up for what God has said, I had a picture come to my mind. Two pillars, two options. One crumbled, one stood. It was then I knew what they represented.  There was no right or wrong option that I could have chosen. There was simply the best option out of two. And right now, I've detoured to come back to Harpenden.

As I’ve changed my plans, do I think I’m making the right choice staffing the January school? No. Do I think I’ve made the best choice? In faith, yes. Logistics might make me go crazy in these next few months but that will be another story.

A Challenge

I was sitting in a coffee shop just over a week ago, having just submitted my biometrics (aka. fingerprints) for my UK residence permit. In the weeks before, I had experienced a range of emotions.

I would swing from wondering if I should just go home, finish my time in YWAM, forget everything I’ve felt like God has said, start on my degree to being confident in what I was doing, being excited for the vision God has for this nation and knowing that every step would be provided for as he’s promised.

But sitting in that coffee shop after finalizing my application, I felt complete and utter peace over my mind. I didn’t feel anxious, I didn’t second guess. And that’s when I had my final confirmation. Extending my time in YWAM for an undetermined amount of time and staying in England to move to a city in the west: I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

It was during the last school while I was co-leading an outreach team to Romania that I felt challenged by God. I was trying to decide whether or not to stay in YWAM and figuring out the pros and cons in my usual logical fashion. When I realised my objections were contrary to what God had promised to be faithful in (my family and provision), I felt a challenge be put to me:

A challenge to go after what I see and to step out and trust Him with what I don’t. A challenge of my faith: do I believe God will follow through on his promise?

In these past few months as I`ve committed to staying in the UK, I`ve seen his faithfulness already. As I`ve stepped out, I`ve seen him follow through. And it`s on this journey that I`ve seen what ‘normal’ is. Normal isn't and shouldn't be dependent on what country I grew up in or what culture I learn to adapt to. Normal should be listening to God and obeying. Stepping out in faith, whether at university or in YWAM, should be normal. And as it turns out, YWAM will be my journey for a while. The only thing I regret is the photo on my residence card.

The Kindness of Christ

I remember my reaction so clearly. During a prayer meeting, someone told me that they believed that kindness was a strength of mine and a gift to use that God had given me. Oh, that was nice of them, as I moved my mind on to the next thing. I mentally placed it in the cupboard of encouragements I received that evening but never gave it another thought and wouldn't really till a few years later. I didn't realize the full magnitude of the meaning of the word 'kind' as I had never given it much credit in the past. It’s often a word that I have brushed off as generic and slightly shallow as to determining character, or something I would use to describe someone that I didn't know that well. Growing up, I lived in a village that was statistically safe next to a city that was generally good in a country that was known for being peaceful. It seemed that kindness meant what was utterly good in action and deed. To me, kindness was about what you saw on the outside; it didn't have to go too deep. It definitely wouldn't have meant self-sacrificial.

However, in the past few years since that prayer time, I've begun to realise the intentionality of the kindness of Christ. It came out of seeing the full affect of my unwillingness to prefer others. I found that it was something I could pretend to be if the need came up… when in reality it was more of a front to appear nice and to be well-liked. And acting out of that brought frustration and a disconnect in relationship where there should have been joy to give to others. What my face presented was not what I was cultivating in my character. What I was holding in my heart was full of self-centered desires to see my wants or tasks fulfilled, not the willingness to place the needs of someone above my own. I could appear to be friendly, but in reality my heart was as hard as stone to the idea of preferring and loving them. Somehow, I had the idea that my time was my own, it was my duty to protect it and I could spend it how I wished.

When living on a campus like this, it didn't take too long to discover how I really felt about preferring. Every day I am confronted with the dilemma of either serving someone or expecting service for myself. 

The chance to prefer and give is an opportunity that we all have the choice to step into. 

An idea that I've seen this community consistently press into and reflect on is being open to chaos and being willing to be interrupted. While the idea of having chaos doesn't appeal to me whatsoever, it may just need a different use of words. The question I have to ask myself is, 

‘How open am I to be kind and giving? How willing am I to lay down my time, skills, and plans to serve others?’

And it’s through the process that I've discovered how it is really through kindness that we are able to open up our doors and to be welcoming with arms outstretched. It is through kindness that others feel appreciated and safe to be themselves. The influence of kindness goes far beyond the influence of selfishness.

His time, love, and delight are showered upon us without a contract to sign or the look of an exasperated face. 

It is through kindness that Christ has given all of himself to us. If you look through the scriptures of when Jesus walked the earth, he was open to stop for people who asked questions and when the Father directed him. He was generous and giving with his time; he was kind and accepted everyone. In his life, he met people at all different sides of the spectrum and yet his capacity to be kind covered all he encountered. And when I look at what that means for my own heart’s condition, I recognize the desire to do the same. To be generous with my time and with the gifts I’ve been given so that others may be built up, strengthened and drawn closer to the Father.

As a community who loves Jesus, it is our mission to be kind to all who we meet. It doesn't mean just putting on a nice face. Not to put up a nice front or to see our own egos inflated, but so that his glory and his kindness is evident to all. At the end of the day, what we do is for his glory to be magnified. And it is through our actions and heart motives that others would see Christ in us and be drawn to their creator.

That is strength. To be kind is to have the mind of Christ, if we are so willing to pursue it.

A Faithful God

As my time at YWAM Harpenden is coming to an end, I've started to consciously process what it is exactly that I have been learning here. Of course I've been thinking as the time has gone on; things have come up to get rid of in my life, skills have been sharpened and gifts have been discovered. But there’s been an over-arching theme to everything that has happened. And it’s because of all the ways that I've seen God in my daily life that I know that my coming here to serve and bless the nations has not been an accident or just a good idea that I thought of during my own DTS.

It is because I serve such an adventurous God that I have been given the opportunity to move overseas, go through culture shock almost every day (yes, even in England) and meeting amazing people from all over the world. It is because I am the daughter of such a faithful God that I am able to do the kind of job that I only dreamed about growing up, that I can be a part of the healing process for others while I go through my own discovery of who God. It is because I am known by such a loving God that I could come to this environment where I can make mistakes, be an absolute emotional wreck at times and see myself strengthened in the midst of fire while a community cheers me on.

Because of all these and more, I know that that it was not an accident for me to come to this small town just outside of London instead of following the footsteps of many others to university. It is because of these things that I know that I am a completely different person than who I was when I started my DTS almost three years ago. Before, I was closed off to others and couldn't speak to a small group without feelings of anxiety, pessimistic and independent. Now, I've spoken in front of people (sometimes thirty, sometimes hundreds) without shaking and have come to enjoy the opportunities I get to speak, my faith has been increased to see the positive in life and, although vulnerability with others is something I struggle with and find hard to do, I've found the most healing when I've had to squash my pride and ask others for help.

Because of all these things, I think a more than accurate description of my time here comes from Revelations 21:5 (ESV). 

"And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’"

A consistent promise God has made over these past three years is that beauty would rise from ashes, that I would see the fulfillment of his goodness while I am here and that this was a time to be myself- to be who I was created to be. That was the promise. And I know that His words are trustworthy and true as He is a faithful God and He will finish the good work that He started within me in the days to come.